No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
