He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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