Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
