i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
