I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
