She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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