I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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