Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
