My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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