when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
