did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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