His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
