Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well you can't waste a boner
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
