see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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