Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
