ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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