Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
