So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
a search helicopter?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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