Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
