If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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