I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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