I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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