dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize