so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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