It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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