Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
