And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
