Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize