My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
