She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
