This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
