I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
