Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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