i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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