Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize