Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
