where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
