I just pynch a tree in the face
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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