I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
