Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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