is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
