if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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