Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
