so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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