so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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