I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
