those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
