You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
