im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
