he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
there is glitter all over my balls
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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