she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
