The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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