On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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