Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize