So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
