Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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