ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
