i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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