you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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