just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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