FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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