Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
