Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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