i permit you to call me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
