I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Come on in and take your pants off
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
