The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
