You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
