I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
