have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
