I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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